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Fearless does not equate bravery, but ignorance. Acknowledging your own fear and knowing how to live in face of it is truly what being brave is.

What is your weakness?

I have a social anxiety, and it begins when I am at age where most of my age-mate friends outgrew me physically and socially. It is when they slowly avoid me that it grew (or is it me?).

It was severe when I was young and felt outcast. I begun to be afraid by what people would perceive me when I can no longer relate to them. I started suspecting everyone pitied me secretly, and that I am uninteresting and really inconvenient. Because of that, I learned to distract myself and be content being alone.

 Anxiety  (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others.

It is when on college that I’ve realized that most of my fear aren’t sensible.“Why be afraid of being introduced to someone new or being on an interview?”  But realizing your fear doesn’t mean conquering it — but is surely part of the process. They say facing your fear is like slaying the dragon within you, true but it has a false premise: that you you should slay the dragon.

Killing the dragon is no any better, because that monster is really your guardian. Your inner and true self is the dungeon that it is protecting.

I am still taming the dragon until now. If not for the strength I’ve recently got from my experience, I would still not be brave enough to visit the dungeon where the dragon lives and discover my true self. To tame the dragon, I am now writing on my blog and starting to relate to people once again.

I still have the anxiety though, but not as  destructive as when it starts. The same “dragon” taught me to be sensitive on the feelings of other and not on just my own. But that dragon is not the same as before now that I learned that people’s image of me is not as important as my image of myself.

People’s fears reflect people’s values. It highlights what they value the most and what they do not want to lose.

I do not slay the dragon because I do not want to be the person who cannot empathize and indifference to people’s feeling. I know it still exists but now I can live with it and use it as a guide to be the person I want to be.

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